Children learn to speak to themselves based on how their parents speak to them. They are mimickers.
Actually, we are all mimickers in some fashion, but children even more so. They will repeat what they hear. They will believe what you say.
And what is “thinking,” if not talking to yourself or having an argument with yourself? Every word you speak to them, every inflection, every criticism, every compliment, is carving pathways in their brains that they will follow for the rest of their lives.
Their thoughts will be echoes of your own words. And how they speak to your grandchildren will be echoes of your own words. They have the potential to last and linger, and some of them will grow sour and fester with age, like a forgotten egg hidden during Easter and still baking in the sun. But some can give life, bolster and beautify.
So choose your words carefully.
"A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit." - Proverbs 15:4
Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body." - Proverbs 16:24
Do not say “You’re so sloppy!” Say “Please clean up your room.”
Do not say “You’re so stupid!” Say “I know you can do better. I believe in you.”
Do not say “You’re so clumsy!” Say “Next time, you need to pay more attention.”
Do not say “Why can’t you be like your older brother?” Instead, praise what the older brother is doing, but don’t compare them. You don’t want one brother feeling like they are always living under the shadow of the other.
Season your words with salt.
Words can bring life or death. They can bring healing or hurt.
And their effects can last for generations.
Hugely important to make that distinction between "You're a bad boy/girl" and "That was a bad decision you made."
Such an important idea. If I may add a corollary, I have written in my own Substack about not saying things such as, "I'm going to go crazy if the kids are home one more day," or "I can't wait for school to start so I get my life back."