I made the following post on Twitter:
Let’s unpack that a bit.
By marrying your wife, you made an active choice. But you must keep making that same active choice everyday for the rest of your life (or your spouse’s life).
If you live in a loveless marriage, it doesn’t matter that you chose your wife on your wedding day. You are not choosing her now.
If you let your eyes wander to other women, it doesn’t matter that you chose your wife on your wedding day. You are not choosing her now.
And if you follow the forbidden woman, it doesn’t matter that you chose your wife on your wedding day. You are not choosing her now.
As a man gets older and more accomplished, he will get more attractive (to a point). Other women notice. Your wife certainly notices. Your prospects with other women often increase.
Yet your wife chose you before you gained all of this attractiveness. She chose you based on your potential. She chose you based on faith. And as she gets older, her prospects will diminish. If you are not actively choosing her every day, she is being rational in feeling insecure.
Men leave the wives of their youth for younger models all of the time. It’s a cliche.
Your wife wants you to get more attractive. That’s what she expected when she married you all those years ago. She wants other women to see how attractive you are.
It validates her choice. It validates the faith she put in you.
What your wife wants is for you to have lots of other options…and then choose her, no matter what. To choose her every day. To come home every day.
She chose you when you were still a boy.
Choose her after you have become a man.