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Leadership Masculinity

Mothers do not Know How to Attract Women

Boys should not learn how to attract women from their mother.

The mother will want to soften the edges of her son and try to make him what she thinks women *should* be attracted to. She wants him to be a good boy. She does not want him to be dangerous.

My own mother did this.

She gave the generic advice you would expect. Act like a gentleman, in the sense of always being gentle. Open the door. Pay for dinner. Just be nice and listen.

None of these things are bad ideas, but they are woefully inadequate if they are the sum total of dating advice. It’s like asking for a recipe and getting all of the measurements but with no ingredient names. Meaningless.

She used my dad as a negative example of how not to treat a woman when dating. Every time she spoke of their first dates, it was negative. The exxasperation still colored her voice even after all of these years.

At one point, my dad invited her to go to a football game, where his mother would also be. She got there, and he had brought another woman.

He had double-booked the date!

She had to introduce herself to his mother. My dad, meanwhile, focused on the football game, not paying attention to the social disaster he had orchestrated.

Again this was a negative example. I should *not* be like my dad when it comes to dating. I should not emulate him in how I treat women.

In the back of my mind, though, I was thinking: “But you ended up marrying him.”

I wouldn’t recommend being callous, or even following my dad’s playbook (though I still chuckle at the story). But it does highlight that many mothers have a blind spot when it comes to their sons. As someone once said, you don’t learn how to fish by asking the fish.

They cannot have the final word when teaching how to attract women. It will give them a warped perspective and will only leave your sons frustrated.

The father should be intentional about teaching his sons how to attract women. You might have forgotten yourself, or never knew how to articulate it.

Find out. It is your job to teach.

Some basics:

  • Work on yourself first. Get good at something masculine. Be interesting. Get strong.
  • Be bold and state your intentions clearly. No “so do you have a boyfriend” or “maybe…uh…you would like…”. Use the confidence you have built from the previous item.
  • Don’t agree just to agree. Tell the truth without shame.
  • Keep eye contact.
  • Keep eye contact. This is not a typo.
  • You will know if a woman wants you to talk to her. She will scream it with her body language. Learn this language.
  • Don’t go to bars.
  • Don’t try to be their friend. You know what you want. She knows what you want. Get it down to a “yes” or a “no” as soon as possible.
  • Women can sense desperation. You are the catch, not them.
  • Do not give your strength to women. Find a mission and tackle it. Women will be attracted to your drive.
  • Most importantly: have fun.